


The First and the Last Time

by Katiehorsie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-03
Updated: 2014-01-03
Packaged: 2018-01-07 08:46:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1117888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiehorsie/pseuds/Katiehorsie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma never thought that holding her child would be so hard. The baby was so tiny, so unbelievably helpless as he slept. He had no thoughts or cares, no idea of where he was or what was about to happen. He didn’t know that this small handful of moments was all the time he’d ever spend with his mother, and she found herself wishing these moments could last forever.<br/>	But the harsh lights of the prison’s hospital ward wouldn’t let her forget that giving her little boy up was the best thing she could do.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The First and the Last Time

Emma never thought that holding her child would be so hard. The baby was so tiny, so unbelievably helpless as he slept. He had no thoughts or cares, no idea of where he was or what was about to happen. He didn’t know that this small handful of moments was all the time he’d ever spend with his mother, and she found herself wishing these moments could last forever.  
But the harsh lights of the prison’s hospital ward wouldn’t let her forget that giving her little boy up was the best thing she could do.  
After all, she didn’t know how to raise a child. No one raised her. She had nothing to go off of—no idea of what a mother’s touch was like or of how a father carried their child on their shoulders. She’d never been tucked into bed or told that she was loved. No one cut her waffles at breakfast or cooked her mac-and-cheese for dinner. No one bandaged her knee and gave it a kiss when she fell down. She struggled through her homework without help, and she got herself up in the morning. She didn’t know anything about family or love or having someone take care of you or how to take care of someone else. She only knew how to be alone, and that was all she could ever do.  
But even though she knew it was right, she didn’t want to leave her little boy on the side of the road, not like that, not like her. She could never do that to him. She couldn’t let him grow up like she did. Even though they promised her that he’d go to a nice, loving home, she was still terrified that he would wake up alone one day, without his mother or a family to love him and take care of him. She was scared that he’d have to find his way in the world by himself, that he would be just as hurt and lost and afraid as she had been, and as she was now.   
Looking at him in her arms, she knew that wanted to hear his first words and watch his first steps. She wanted to drop him off on his first day of school and teach him to ride a bike. She wanted to see him grow up to be greater than she or his father ever had the chance of being.  
But she knew she couldn’t keep him.  
She was in a prison with no way to take care of him or raise him. His father couldn’t take him until she was out. Neal didn’t even know about their child, and she doubted he would care if he did. It was his fault that she was in this situation. If he had never turned her in or bailed on her, then their child could be raised by his parents instead of strangers that may not love him or care for him as they should. If she had never met Neal, then there wouldn’t even be a child to worry about. She wouldn’t have to tear her heart apart by doing what was best for the little bundle of life, and she wouldn’t have to be reminded of the one truth that never failed her throughout all of her years: Life isn’t fair. Nothing could change that.  
So she leaned down and kissed her baby boy for the first and the last time, her eyes clouded by tears.  
“I love you,” she whispered, “so much.” She clutched her little boy closer to her for a minute before letting him go.  
She looked to the hovering nurse and held the baby out with a small nod. The nurse offered her a sad smile before taking him from her arms and carrying him away.   
And Emma was left alone once more, staring at a blank wall in an empty room, tears streaming unbidden down her face. Her son was gone, and she let him go without a fight.  
For that, she’d never forgive herself.


End file.
